Say that you were a coward, fuck.
What should I've done? She said totally calmly while tearing a paper to pieces. But she said this question as if she really felt that she had nothing to do with it...
You know what? Nothing! You should do nothing.
But don't folow me anymore. To you I don't exist anymore.
The streets are so dead and it's dark everywhere. My only tranquility in this place is the flickering light of the street lamps.
I stand under one of the lamps, intertwine my hands and wave them left and right in front of myself.
If only his hand would touch minde right now.
If only I wouldn't have to walk around here alone.
But still I can't forget what happened.
I keep walking on the street when I see a bar. I enter, sit at the counter on a bar stool. The bartender comes and only says one thing: GET OUT!
I look at him questioningly, like, what the hell is going on.
You're often walking around here with somebody! We don't serve your kind around here. I hope you understand and I don't have to say that word.
I was so angry I couldn't say anything... I just stood up and wlaked towards a door, and I knocked over a table.
What are you doing? The man shouted at me. Then he started running towards me. He stopped then turned to a police officer.
Who starts chasing after me as the man says a word.
I didn't know what to do. I ran as hard as I could but suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder which pulled me back. I fell to the ground and I saw the policeman above me.
He pulled me up from the ground and he dragged me by my arm until we got back to the bar. He took me inside and made me reset the table I knocked over.
The bartender came closer then spat at my feet.
Anger filled me again, but before I could do anything the police officer grabbed my hand again and pulled me out of the bar.
You better watch your step! I let this one go because my son is one of yours... you should feel lucky that it was me! Anyone else would have beaten you to death!
I hanged my head, turned around and left. I didn't know what I should have said. Saying thank you doesn't belong here.
Because he spared me for a thing I'm not responsible for.
Suddenly I heard humming.
I passed under a window... it was coming from there.
I could recognize this voice anywhere, I smiled...
Then hundreds of thoughts ran through my head and I became sad.
I still owe an explanation to this girl.
I collected my strength and rung the bell.
She opens the door and I see disappointment on her face.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I really had to learn it this way? I loved you more than anything and you couldn't even be honest with me?
I felt the same thing, I still feel it. That's just why I couldn't tell. I didn't want to hurt you. But I was ready. Every time when I decided to tell you... I saw you and my courage left me.
Please listen to me.
As I said this... the door was slammed before me.
In my disappointment I didn't know what to do, so I went to the place where I always let out the steam and where I know that only those would find me who really know me.
On my way, I stepped on a pencil, I picked it up then as I straightened up, in front of me there was an advertisement.
I felt that it's a sign... a sign that I can't leave anyone without an explanation.
I tore a piece off the advertisement.
The back was white so I could write on it.
Then I looked at the front of the paper. 1967, it said. Why? Why was I born here, where people live like this. Please, it's 1967 and there couldn't be more prejudiced people in the world. What else awaits "our kind" in the future?